You should learn something new every day. Today was a road trip with MIL, and I learned that we can eat like big girls, and I sigh too much! I have no clue if she reads this blog, but I want to say thanks for coming with me today. Really, thanks for all of the things that you do. Folks should really learn to love their SO's family more. My MIL is the only mom I have now, and has been so helpful over the years. I can't imagine my life in Montana without her support.
Enough of beating around the bush; today was the baby's appointment with the cardiologist... We discovered last month that the baby has an ASD like his sisters. I was told by my family doctor that it would need to be surgically repaired. When we arrived it seemed as though we were there as a formality. Our doctor came in and visited with us while his nurse was still doing the intake. He even mentioned the glorious words that "this guy's hole may clear up on its own..." Another thing I have learned is not to gallop away into the sunset on the pitter patter of your own heart when you hear something exciting. Even metaphorical horses will buck you off now and again. After some adventurous imaging, we had a clearer picture of the baby's heart. (anytime a seven month old must lay still be prepared for an adventure of sorts) The original estimate was that the hole was 6-8mm, many women wear stud earrings bigger than this, so it was not too alarming. The mommy tiger inside of me was on alert, because I was not shocked to learn that the hole was actually about 14mm. This accounts for 80% of the lenght of the wall between these two chambers.
another thing I learned today, this type of hole can not be repaired with a catheter if there is not enough tissue left around the hole. Such as is the case with the baby. Bringing us to the learning that the baby's heart cannot be fixed without open heart surgery. (insert pout here)
Folks, I am fully aware that many people have this condition and it goes undiscovered and untreated for many years, well into adulthood. I am also aware that these people are typically not symptomatic. Without symptoms of heart failure, and when a hole is not very large, doctors will not operate in the hopes the hole will eventually close on its own. We were told today that this will not happen with the baby. The hole is far too large.
For now, we wait. we will see the cardiologist again in September at which point the surgery will be presented to the folks at Seattle Children's hospital and scheduled through them. We are watching the baby's weight very closely right now as well. Prayers for him to thrive and gain apporopraite amounts of weight will be appreciated. After a couple of months of relaxing about his weight, he has slowed down and that is the big symptom to watch for that relates to his heart. He is developmentally thriving far beyond our expectations, so I continue to pray that his body stays well nourished and thriving as well.
Did you know that having three out of four children with an ASD is pretty unheard of? I thought so too, heart issues aren't that common I didn't think. That was not the shocking part. Our oldest son has to be checked now as well. Normally this sort of thing is random. One child wil be born with it while the rest are fine. Having three with the condition is less likely than having all four with the condition. How backwards is that?
It is the end of a very long day, and I am feeling deflated. Things I know: -Nothing I did or could have done caused this or could have prevented this from happening (short of not having children at all). -My baby will need surgery, but we don't know when. -My oldest is a rockstar; either for being the miracle child with no holey heart, or for being so very healthy and slipping under the tiger radar of his mother. -Applebees Cowboy burger is delicous even if it does have bacon on it. It is all just news to me... I don't know if it is a blessing or a curse, I just know more this evening than I did this morning. Not a bit of the day went as I had planned, but at the end of the day none of the plans seem that important. Wishing you all a peaceful night in homes filled with love and hearts filled with joy.
Thursday, July 11, 2013
Sunday, July 7, 2013
The sound of love
Two weeks can be very long when you are waiting for something. Two weeks goes by so quickly once it comes though. Papa Bear is headed back to Alaska right now, and I am back home with the crazy bears. With him being gone so much this year, I have learned some new things about relationships, or at least about mine, and thought I would share.
The most important thing I have learned over the last couple of years is His love language, and how to speak it, not just to understand it. If your SO has the language of touch, that doesn't mean just to let them touch you! As a person that does not like personal contact much, this was a difficult challenge for me, but I believe after this last visit that I have gotten fairly fluent in this language. Communicating in the language of touch simply means to reach out and actually touch the other person. It can be as simple as hand holding or a back scratch. One of my past complaints was of feeling smothered by my So, but by learning His language and speaking it to him I have come to enjoy His presence in my personal bubble It also has made it to where he does not have to always be so "touchy" which is helps keep me from feeling smothered.
Number two; let your man lead, but don't force him. Let your husband lead your family. This is a role he was designed by God to fill. I understand that the world has molded some (most) men into men that don't know how to lead, or are so noncommittal that they will only lead in circles before they stall out. If this is the case for you ladies, don't get pushy!!! That completely undermines the role he has to take in life. If it is vacation time and you are searching for places to go or do, ask him what he would like. Ask him what he likes for dinner. Ask him what he would like to watch on T.V. The little decisions might make him feel more like the leading man in life, without the pressure they feel from making more important decisions. That being said, don't expect any man to have an opinion about Everything in life, or even one opinion a day. If you want their opinion on what to do for a holiday, and they don't have one, then make a plan. I did this on the 4th. My SO was very loose about who he wanted to see or what he wanted to do for the day. He didn't want a lot of fuss, but wanted to have fun and see some people. I finally said how about this... It was a mash up of activities without being overbearing. We had an amazing day without a fight about why he couldn't make up his mind, or why I had to be such a control freak. We had fun, we got stuff done, we were a happy family.
Thirdly; appreciate your man for what he is. Period. End of Sentence. Many women bring up the past too often, or talk about how much better it will be in the future. Take a minute to reflect on the awesomeness of the man God has put into your life. My SO is a hard worker, a wonderful provider.... so many things. I appreciate that. I appreciate that he makes sacrifices for our family without complaint, and almost always without a big flashy reward. I don't tell him often enough how much I appreciate him, but I have learned to tone down criticisms and comparisons.
Laugh and smile. Forever is a long time, you may as well have fun with your partner. Don't be afraid to be silly or carefree in front of him. One of my favorite things in life, easily a top five on the indulgence list, is to make my SO smile. There are days that I have to get Jim Carey styled funny to accomplish this, but man is it worth it. I love being silly with him, I even believe that the moments I have spent just having fun with my SO has made my love for him stronger.
Lastly; I know I am wrong. I know there is no psychological background for this bumble of words I have typed out, I know that much of it isn't biblical. Coming off of two weeks with the man of my life, and uncertain of the date when I will see him next, I can see the things that are most important. It doesn't matter to him that the house wasn't clean, or that my hair style isn't trendy. We have learned the things that are important to each other, and we actively engage in those ways every chance we can. What is important to your SO? Are you making a habit of engaging in those important things, seeing him and hearing him in the way he is broadcasting to you?
Marriage is forever people. I understand there are marriages that have failed. I am not talking about those relationships. I am speaking about the one you are in right now. The vows that you spoke still have meaning. Forever. Till death do we part. The words are heavy for a meaning. No more romanticizing about life after divorce as Hollywood loves to do. Romanticize bout Real life! I apologize for the rambling. I know this was all very scattered, but it came from my heart. I am not even going to re-write it. This is how I would talk to my best friend, and his is how I am sharing this with the world.
I pray you all had a wonderful week, and look forward to blog babbling again soon.
The most important thing I have learned over the last couple of years is His love language, and how to speak it, not just to understand it. If your SO has the language of touch, that doesn't mean just to let them touch you! As a person that does not like personal contact much, this was a difficult challenge for me, but I believe after this last visit that I have gotten fairly fluent in this language. Communicating in the language of touch simply means to reach out and actually touch the other person. It can be as simple as hand holding or a back scratch. One of my past complaints was of feeling smothered by my So, but by learning His language and speaking it to him I have come to enjoy His presence in my personal bubble It also has made it to where he does not have to always be so "touchy" which is helps keep me from feeling smothered.
Number two; let your man lead, but don't force him. Let your husband lead your family. This is a role he was designed by God to fill. I understand that the world has molded some (most) men into men that don't know how to lead, or are so noncommittal that they will only lead in circles before they stall out. If this is the case for you ladies, don't get pushy!!! That completely undermines the role he has to take in life. If it is vacation time and you are searching for places to go or do, ask him what he would like. Ask him what he likes for dinner. Ask him what he would like to watch on T.V. The little decisions might make him feel more like the leading man in life, without the pressure they feel from making more important decisions. That being said, don't expect any man to have an opinion about Everything in life, or even one opinion a day. If you want their opinion on what to do for a holiday, and they don't have one, then make a plan. I did this on the 4th. My SO was very loose about who he wanted to see or what he wanted to do for the day. He didn't want a lot of fuss, but wanted to have fun and see some people. I finally said how about this... It was a mash up of activities without being overbearing. We had an amazing day without a fight about why he couldn't make up his mind, or why I had to be such a control freak. We had fun, we got stuff done, we were a happy family.
Thirdly; appreciate your man for what he is. Period. End of Sentence. Many women bring up the past too often, or talk about how much better it will be in the future. Take a minute to reflect on the awesomeness of the man God has put into your life. My SO is a hard worker, a wonderful provider.... so many things. I appreciate that. I appreciate that he makes sacrifices for our family without complaint, and almost always without a big flashy reward. I don't tell him often enough how much I appreciate him, but I have learned to tone down criticisms and comparisons.
Laugh and smile. Forever is a long time, you may as well have fun with your partner. Don't be afraid to be silly or carefree in front of him. One of my favorite things in life, easily a top five on the indulgence list, is to make my SO smile. There are days that I have to get Jim Carey styled funny to accomplish this, but man is it worth it. I love being silly with him, I even believe that the moments I have spent just having fun with my SO has made my love for him stronger.
Lastly; I know I am wrong. I know there is no psychological background for this bumble of words I have typed out, I know that much of it isn't biblical. Coming off of two weeks with the man of my life, and uncertain of the date when I will see him next, I can see the things that are most important. It doesn't matter to him that the house wasn't clean, or that my hair style isn't trendy. We have learned the things that are important to each other, and we actively engage in those ways every chance we can. What is important to your SO? Are you making a habit of engaging in those important things, seeing him and hearing him in the way he is broadcasting to you?
Marriage is forever people. I understand there are marriages that have failed. I am not talking about those relationships. I am speaking about the one you are in right now. The vows that you spoke still have meaning. Forever. Till death do we part. The words are heavy for a meaning. No more romanticizing about life after divorce as Hollywood loves to do. Romanticize bout Real life! I apologize for the rambling. I know this was all very scattered, but it came from my heart. I am not even going to re-write it. This is how I would talk to my best friend, and his is how I am sharing this with the world.
I pray you all had a wonderful week, and look forward to blog babbling again soon.
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