September: No screen time= more us time

This whole blogging thing sure is more of a James thing than mine, but I just have to share some stuff!  I feel like if I am going to share more with you all, to allow you into this Niemi world, it is only fair to give you some sort of warning before you step through the looking glass into our wonderland.

I have a wonderful, hyperactive, diagonal form of thinking and talking.  My best of friends get this, and ride the roller coaster along with me.  My darling husband tolerates it, and at times laughs at it.  It is just how I am.  It is all connected in my head, I promise.  Warning two- sometimes I will explain to you how this is all connected.  You might get it, you might think I am crazy.  Either way you have been fairly warned.  Warning three...  I am a nerd and am not afraid of what you have to say about my thoughts.  :)  Now that you have been properly and fairly warned we can get this trolley movin...

About a month ago is when I had a great idea for a blog post.  The events played out in my mind like a wonderfully made hollywood movie.  This is going to be AWESOME!  I am going to document this little project all month, at the end of the month we will have a masterpiece.  Uh....  FAIL.
I continued taking pictures through the month of this project, but wasn't really documenting it like I had hoped for.  

About a month ago, it was Saturday morning and I was going about my light Saturday morning chores.  I really suck at the whole housewife thing, but really if I do a little bit every single day of my life, it keeps it slightly cleaner than a pig pen, and I can usually find what I need, unless it is my keys, or my phone, or wallet...  So I was desperately plunging through a minimal amount of chores, with all three kids home.  Nailing Jello to a tree would have been easier...  I felt a bit like the windshield wipers on a car in the middle of a poop storm.  Lucky me, I had a helper.

 So here I am cleaning away, and my lovely toddler is quite quickly undoing everything I am working so hard to do.  Where are my big children??  Aren't we raising them to be helpers, to contribute to the household, to be responsible??  NO!!!!  They were in Kenzie's room, on the high bed where the tot cannot reach them, playing video games.  Not playing so much as fighting.  I could feel my inner tea kettle bubbling....  Have you seen Mom's Night Out yet?  The "moment" the lead character refers to was quickly coming.

Who in this house is getting the glory?  I am frustrated, the kids are fighting, the baby, well he just yells a lot of gibberish so we aren't sure where he weighs in on this.  We are supposed to be living the good life.  We are in this beautiful place, all together, and I feel like all I do is clean, and all they do is fight...   tick tick tick....


That is it.....  KA-B...  wait...  I am making a decision right now on how I am raising this family.  I can sit down and cry.  I can yell, or scream, or I can do something else.  I hopped on the phone to by darling husband.  I wanted to present a challenge to my family.  No video games for the rest of the month.  For the next month, my family would truly live together, help each other, and hopefully appreciate one another.  Computers or other devices would only be used for communication or education purposes.  James was on board.  Later that day I presented the kids with my challenge.  Kenzie cried and cried, Matthew tried to work out some loop holes in the system to see how he could still get his screen time in.  William drooled and commented with something that may have been in German.  I explained to the older kids that this was not a punishment, but that electronics were taking up too much of our lives, and that we were not treating each other the way we should.  We spent a month focusing on family, creativity, and fun.

Here is the next time I attempted cleaning.  Yeah the tot still makes me feel like I am trudging through quicksand, but God bless him for trying ;)  This week I had even more help.  Usually when my kids ask if they can help, it is because they want something, this time they were just having fun.

What did we learn as a family during this month?  Well, have you ever seen the show Nanny 911?  It is Never the kids fault on these shows, it is always some form of less than stellar parenting with a serious lack of boundaries.  Yep.  I was falling short as a mother.  I am not beating myself up over this, there is no point.  I am not perfect, neither are you, or that other guy over there that you are secretly envious of.  We all fall short of the glory....

Glory...  So who is supposed to be getting the glory?  Are the kids supposed to fight and beg until they get their way, until they feel glorified in the eyes of their parents?  Should the parents dominate the children in a way that makes them feel respectable?  No.  I'm glancing over at my children right now.  They are playing the game of life.  They are learning to appreciate each other.  They are learning to entertain themselves and each other, and the value of contributing to their household.

1 Corinthians 10:31 tells us "So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God".  During this month of growing, As a family we are talking more around the table.  We give thanks for our meal, and spend time listening to each other.  Not just our highs and lows, but the in betweens.  Isn't that what life is about?  Sharing with each other, loving each other, build each other up.  I gave Makenzie a memory verse this month, a life verse if you will. " And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him" (Coloassians 3:17).  She memorized it quickly.  Then we moved on to what does it mean.  For now, I ask her to focus on who she is doing something for.  Is it for herself, for others, or for God?  When she has a fit, not a little one, but the big embarrassing kind where I hear the sirens of CPS coming for me, I remind her of her verse.  In her words, and in her actions, she should be doing all in the name of The Lord, and be thankful. 

 I have heard James talk to the kids about loving each other.  Even when they are mad, they are to remember that they love each other.  In the last month we have worked on extending grace to one another as well.  Let's face it, as imperfect people we are not always going to be happy with one another.

2 Corinthians 4:15 "All this is for your benefit, so that the grace that is reaching more and more people may cause thanksgiving to overflow to the glory of God."  I am not going to go too far into the context of this, but just look at it.  It is a beautiful thought.  I'm going a little long here.  If you haven't read 2 Corinthians before, you should.  From there you could go plenty of places.  

 We got some pretty good seats to see the Blue Angels from the back yard

Well, my topics have only swayed slightly too and fro, and my bible verses were not completely random.  At the end of the month, the kids got their games back.  I have not allowed for us all to slip back into our old habits just yet.  They are not guaranteed game time.  They are reminded gently to be helpful, to be a gentleman, to act like a lady.  Somewhere during the month, I made it halfway through my BOOM, I faltered.  I didn't fail.  I am learning to extend grace to my kids, to my husband.  I'm not perfect, why should I expect them to be?  So our adventure is not quite the paradise I envisioned, sometimes fun is too messy for me, or too loud for my husband.  That's ok.  THIS is an awesome life I am sharing with these people.  

Just to show some of our adventure, and my kids with their awesome creativity for the month of September...

Mega blocks are always fun, and too big to swallow!

 I think between the three of them they used every block!

Of course mega blocks are not as cool as Bionicles

Little man did not enjoy the boom from the planes during the airshow, so we got creative to help him out

The big kids waited for the jets to fly over the playground

We went to two luaus in the month.  Kenzie was picked from the audience to dance hula at the first one. 

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She started Hula at school, and danced her first performance at the Island Family Christian Church's 60th Anniversary Celebration.

James still hates taking pictures, so I take five rapid fire shots and you all have to live with these crappy photos.  It is evidence that we live together now though! 

Aloha from the Niemi's

New Project

Tara and I are working on a project together. It is a writing project we have talked about off and on for a bit and I brought it up again a couple days ago and when she asked what I had in mind I started typing it out in a text message and I saw the little "..." that she was typing too. I clicked send and then almost got a simultaneous response from her and I'm pretty sure we both laughed pretty hard. They pretty much said the very same things.

I had made a couple inquiries about this project that morning and kind of got the low down on what we needed to do etc. I shared what I had found out with Tara and she sent me a picture of some things she had written down. That was it, step one was done.

I think this is a big project for us. We are busy people. Not like too busy to do it but I think this will take some time to complete. I have work, she has school and together we have three children that require and deserve our attentionkjmnr6b5d5dcffth87yntfygbhj <===== Tara did this....

LIKE I WAS SAYING, we have many responsibilities and this will take some time but I will say it has been fun so far. This morning I excitedly told her I had 3 paragraphs done and she looked at me with the most serious face and then broke into this weird excited happy dance thing she does when she is being a brat.

I cant wait to share more with all of you but for now this is where I am going to leave it.

Hope everyone is having a great start to their weekend.

--James

Of course I came by to update my blog post today, and stumbled across this gem!  My Darling Husband and I see eye to eye, and yes say the same things, a lot!  But we are still soooooo different.  Plain and simple, I'm a nerd, and he is a geek ;)

This project is a very large one,  and I did not do a happy dance when James proposed it to me.  Seriously, I go to school full time, and am raising a redheaded Hulk baby!  But you know what, it is something we can do "together".  As long as he can survive my snarkasm and my very awesome happy dance we will be just fine.  And uh....  he has never complained about my happy dance, he loves when my inner nerd comes spilling out of me in a very snarky way.  This will be fun, in the rip the band-aid off fast kind of way.  I sure am glad I have a good project buddy to work on this with.

-- Tara  aka: the tiny dancer ;)

Highs and Lows Part 2

Yesterday I talked about using "James Math" or "Matt Math" to multiply your high points to outweigh any low points you may have had to make sure you end up on the plus side of the equation.

I understand that this is way easier to say than do and live by. Its something that I deal with on a daily basis. I get called a grumpy guss on occasion and sometimes even have problems applying my own mathematical  equation  to make everything come out on the plus side.

There are things that "bug" me sometimes and its almost as if those low points get their own little special multipliers. They really shouldn't though, and I should make it a priority in my daily life to make sure that they don't.

For instance....

Dorrie, our 500 year old child barks, a lot, at the wind or a tiny ant 4 miles away. Her bark pierces my ear drums. She barks, i say Dorrie. She barks some more louder and quicker and I say Dorrie louder and with more force. Sometimes that is enough and sometimes this repeats itself until I get up and make DIRECT eye contact with her and say DOOOOOORRRRRIIIIEEEE, She stops sometimes for a few seconds sometimes a couple minutes. Tonight I skipped the DOOOOOOOORRRRRIEEEEE and went to this sort of growl thing that was described to me by Tara as something Shrek said in one of the movies. Something about an onion and not a cake. Now, to her credit, she has gotten way better and I don't know exactly what I would do if Dorrie wasn't here.  

Tara posed the question last night how do you think Jesus would respond to being asked about his highs and lows?

I think thats a fair question and one that required some research for me. Yes there are plenty of low points a person could pull out really quick. "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" Mark 15:34 (NIV). Jesus is having a really bad day here. Jesus math may even have a hard time with this one. But finding the high points, the specific high points did not come readily to me. There isn't really one spot I can think of in NIV where it says, "And Jesus smiled from ear to ear." but there are plenty of places I could think of where He should be smiling ear to ear. Luke 8:29, Jesus heals a demon posses man. THATS A GOOD DAY AT THE OFFICE!

The Book of Luke is full of highs and lows. Stories of healing and of Jesus' rejection. Highs and Lows. Luke 4:15 "He was teaching in their synagogues, and everyone praised him.", you can imagine Jesus saying to himself, "This is going good! People are interested in what I'm laying down here and I''m in the groove." This is what I would consider a high point for Him. Now, its closely followed by a low point where its the intention of the crowd to essentially toss him off a cliff in Luke 4:28-29. This would be a low point. However, with application of Jesus Math, in Luke 4:30 he brushes it off and walks away.

There are many examples of Jesus' highs and lows and I encourage you to search them out for yourself. Basically the whole Book of Luke is about highs and lows.

Ill end this post with a simple challenge. - Challenge yourself to make your day full of highs. If you hit a low, shrug it off as Jesus did in Luke 4:30. Don't let your low ruin the potential highs that the rest of the day may hold.

James

Highs and Lows

HIGHS AND LOWS GAME SHOW

One days several weeks ago while sitting at the dinner table Tara looked at Makenzie and asked, "what was your high point today?" Now, I'm going to pause this right here for the disclaimer. I don't know if this was something that was started while I was away or something that came about from something Tara read and just implemented without my approval, but it sounded like something I was going to be uncomfortable with. I'm a pretty closed up kind of guy, I don't really talk about the great things that happened and I don't really talk about what rubs me the wrong way a lot. Tara is going to school to be one of those mind shrink-er people, so I figured this must be one of those secret dirty tricks they use to get you to talk. Disclaimer over. 

I sat and listened to Kenzie give a short answer rather quickly and Tara followed up with "Low point?" Kenzie's eyes darted a little and she looked up as if she was concocting some magical story about how someone wronged her that day. I don't remember exactly what her answer was but it was rather short and insignificant. Something like here cheese on her sandwich had melted before she could eat it and so she didn't like it. Oh life is so simple for a 7 year old right....

Tara moved on to Matthew now, same questions. Oh crap, I'm NEXT!!!!!!!!! Hurry and finish eating so I CAN GET OUT OF THIS! Matthew was quick, too quick! I probed him on his answers as a delay tactic. It didn't work at all... Well this is it, here it comes, and then nothing. WHEW! The conversation moved on to other things and I was saved.

Dinner wrapped up and we finished out the routine we have been working on to get everyone in bed without too much issue. It's working pretty good at this point. 

The next day I make sure to take a mental note of when something "good" happens or something I could consider a "high point". There weren't very many. In fact driving home I was stressed, I knew I was not going to get out of it tonight, she was going to call on me! Fact was, I did not have a very good day. The plant was running good and it is run by a trusted friend but I did not get much of my stuff done and a problem was brewing with one of our employees. Any "good" points in my day were easily outweighed by my "bad" points. Surely that's how this game works I told myself.

Dinner came and low and behold! I'm second on the list for the "Highs and Lows Game". I started with my low because it came easiest, while not really my true "low" it was a crappy part of my day and it was pretty easy to just blurt it out. My high had been difficult to come up with all day, I had stressed about it, thought about it, tried to manufacture a high point, tried to pull one out of thin air and it just wasn't there. As I pulled up to the house, my eyes and heart opened to the moment. No matter how much I was not looking forward to the "Highs and Lows Game Show, Live at the Niemi Household", no matter what awaited behind that closed door be it screaming kids or an angry momma bear, this was my high point. I shortened my answer for the Live version of the game show because I found myself really wanting to hear the kids' answers to this jedi mind trick of a question my future mind shrinking wife came up with.

The kids' answers are still short sometimes now but are getting longer as they get used to the idea of this elaborate mind trickery game. Kenzie has also taken on the role of game show host, usually starting off with asking Matthew almost before the n in amen is finished being spoken from our prayer. For some reason this is the one thing Kenzie can say or ask directly to Matthew without Sibling War 14,897 breaking out. Yes I'm counting. 

Tonight Kenzie even asked William to participate. He must feel the same way I do about this game because he had absolutely NOTHING say on the matter. 

This whole mind shrinking exercise that is the "Highs and Lows Game, Live in front of a Studio Audience, From the Niemi House Hold in Ewa Beach, HAWAII!!!" (That's right, its a full production now) has helped me realize a few things. 

I can not let my good points in the day (also know as "high" points) be out weighed by any bad points (AKA as "low"points) and that every good point is something that should be cherished. If anything good points should receive EXTRA points based on the fact that they are good and not bad and that's good, so we give them extra points. 

Also, I should not be afraid, or scared or closed to my children or wife when talking about my lows and highs throughout the day, and the more I elaborate on those highs and lows and the reasons they are highs and lows to me the more they will understand me, how I work and the things that make me tick.

The more I say, the more they say and the better Tara and I can understand the things that they are dealing with on a daily basis and what we need to do as parents to help them not let the lows out weigh the highs in any circumstance.

If we could all put the extra good point to the good points policy to practice and never let your bad points add up to or even come close to your good point level (If close use what Tara likes to call "James Math" and just multiply your good points time two or three just to make sure they are firmly ahead. Note: my Cousin calls this Matt Math in honor of her SO) then wouldn't we just be happier people in general? Yeah crap happens at work, at home, and everywhere else! Its going to happen and IF we let THOSE moments DEFINE who WE are then we are truly lost...

Feel free to comment or discuss - there is more to come on this in the days ahead. James

Noisy Niemi's Again

Libby, MT - May 2014

Its a little over a full month now since Tara and the kiddos arrived and I must say while it has been an adjustment with all the goings on of a home with a 9, 7 and close to 2 year old in the house back in my everyday life. Noises EVERYWHERE! Everyone is adjusting back to and falling into normal I would say. 

Ewa Beach, HI - July 2014

Tara has been busy working her school work and the kiddos are adjusting into their new school. Im working what I would consider light hours but things are getting busier at work and the 5am to 7pm schedule is coming soon especially if some of the things in the pipeline come to fruition.

William - August 2014

I will say that even with those hours there is NOTHING better in this world than coming home to the crying, screaming, whining, laughs, hugs, kisses and discussions of our day every night.

I have been playing more with our camera in my spare time and have been baking bread a lot because it costs an arm and leg here.

 Yeah they both missed

While we are enjoying our time together here in "paradise" and enjoy some of the conveniences of having stores like Costco, Safeway, and most importantly Taco Bell and Jack in the Box, I think both Tara and I said it on the same day.... We miss home. I referenced the "paradise" before. It is nice here, it is generally in the mid 80's during the day, 70's at night (HIGH 70's!!!) it was neat getting ready for the hurricane that turned south and missed us (I still feel cheated on that one) but to me, "paradise" is not defined only by weather. It is defined by a community and the way of life in that community. Your neighbors that help dig out after the first big storm in winter or just stops by to see whats new. (yeah yeah there hasn't been a lot of snow the last couple years and sometimes they are just looking for the newest drama) The church family that no matter what has happened in your life time, the last year, month or week still greets you with a warm heart and big hug or handshake every Sunday morning. The way an ENTIRE community comes together for a single person or family in a time of great need. And to even some extent that quirky thing people call small town politics. Yes the City Council can act like retards and county cant get our property taxes right but have you seen big town politics recently!?!?!?!?! I cant put a stockpile of rock on our property without a permit and some slacky that works for the city coming around twice a month to check on what other permits I might need. And all he thinks is I am trying to screw the city out of their fair share.

Beach - July 2014

I am very thankful for the opportunities that He has provided for us.

At the same time I personally cant wait to get back to my "paradise" that is Libby, MT. To my lakes, to my thunderstorms, my snow, my four seasons and my friends that understand we are doing what we have to do and eagerly await our return as much as we do. It will happen when it happens. We have a home there, not completed on the inside but its there, and paid for. We have a place to come home too, and before you know it, we will be there.

Some mother daughter time

Something Fun

Sissy was crying the other day.  This alone is not noteworthy, as it happens numerous times a day.  This time it was due to Bubba telling her she doesn’t know how to cook.  I had to tell her there was no need to cry, she doesn’t know how to cook!  Then I thought about it…  Why doesn’t she know how to cook?  The answer is that I have not taught her.  Sure I let her measure and mix things, but I have not taken the time to really teach her what we are doing.  Well, that’s it, I decided to teach her to cook!

If you know me well, you are laughing.  I don’t even know how to prepare what I am cooking most times, how will I teach a seven year old?  We are goin to start with something basic that every person should know how to cook.  This meal also happens to be Sissy’s favorite…  Spaghetti!  Yes we will be cheating a bit here and there.  We are not making our own noodles, and we will be using seasoned canned tomatoes.  We all have to start somewhere, and this is where we shall begin.  I am going to share this experience with all of you including the recipe we use, the mistakes we make, and what I am learning as a mom in the process…  I hope you all enjoy

Homemade Spaghetti Sauce

Ingredients:

• 3-4 cans of Crushed Tomatoes (either regular or with basil, oregano and garlic) 28 oz. sized cans  < The Niemi’s used the canned Italian tomatoes as well as diced tomato with sweet onion
• 4 cloves of garlic (pressed or chopped finely)
• A bunch of dried basil (probably 3-5 Tbsp)
• A bunch of black pepper (probably 1-2 tsp)
• 1 Tbsp of sugar (optional – if you want the sauce a little sweeter)  < The Niemi family used brown sugar
• 2 Tbsp olive oil
• 1/3 cup of grated Parmesan or Romano cheese
• Minced Green Peppers (optional)  < The Niemi family used red, yellow, and orange mini peppers

Directions:

1. Heat the olive oil in a 5+ qt. pot over medium heat, and add the chopped or pressed garlic.
2. Heat for one to two minutes, making sure not to burn the garlic, then add all the crushed tomatoes, black pepper, basil and sugar.  Stirring often, bring to a low boil.
3. Reduce heat to low and simmer for 2-3 hours stirring often.
4. For the first half of the simmer time, do so with the pot uncovered, then cover.
5. Add the cheese, stir in and simmer for an additional 5 minutes or so.
6. Pretty easy, and inexpensive too.
7. This will make the equivalent to 4-5 jars of sauce, and the cost is probably about half (and it tastes way better).

---

This recipe was printed from I am THAT Lady: http://www.iamthatlady.com

URL to recipe: http://www.iamthatlady.com/frugal-pasta-sauce-recipe-using-hunts-crushed-tomatoes/

Ok, so the first thing I had to do was decide if we were going to actually stick to this recipe, or wing it like I usually do…  I really wanted to have this meal Monday night, but when I decided on this recipe it was midnight on Sunday night.  I discovered two things, I was out of garlic, and had not bought enough cans of tomatoes to make this big of a batch.  In the mindset of teaching my daughter lots of mini lessons, I decided number one would be patience.  We would make this meal later in the week.  She would help me make the sauce one night, and the next day we would put it all together into a meal.

Bonus:  Making the full recipe will leave food to be frozen for future weeks and teach her about planning family meals!  Yaya!!

We finally made the spaghetti sauce!  Of course we had modifications, but it turned out pretty well.  She was very proud and kept calling it Her spaghetti sauce ;)  Looking forward to the next cooking adventure!!!  Next time I will post some pictures.  

Pizza Fanatic

Anyone that knows me knows that I love Pizza. I love making it, i love eating it, I've loved it for a long time and it loves me.

I especially like the kind of pizza I make and here goes nothing...

Gooey Sweet Pizza Dough:
3 Cups Flour
1-2 tsp Garlic Salt
2 tsp Yeast
1 tbs Light Corn Syrup or Honey your choice
1 tbs+ Olive Oil
1\2 Cup Milk
1 Cup Water

This is my starting point to be honest. It usually takes more flour than I list here. I also add Wheat Gluten because well when it comes to breads - gluten is good

I combine all this in the ol' Kitchen Aid and turn it on - I start with the dry stuff and mix it for a bit just because it seems logical to me then the syrup or honey then the liquid.

I like a wet dough - some people dont and its okay to be wrong.

Run it around till you get what you are looking for - i run mine till its running up the hook but still sticking pretty good to the sides - I turn the mixer off and let it set for 5 minutes or so.

I have a special little pyrex glass bowl I use for rising my pizza dough. The dough takes exactly half of it - so, when it gets to the top its time to punch it down right. No guessing if its doubled or not.

Any one who knows me knows I am not a patient man. It used to be that I would let it rise once, then shape it out into my pie and let it rise for a couple minutes on the pan and start baking away, well not any more. I have gotten wise in my old age. It tastes soooo much better the longer it rises, just keep pushing it down. I do it 3 times or so. Maybe I use too much yeast, whatever, I like it.

I use this particular recipe or most bread items I do. add some melted butter and an egg, take away some liquid and viola, cinnamon roll or sweet dinner rolls.

Its risen, several times and its roll out time. - well in this case I just kind of pressed it out

Here are your options.
1. Cast Iron Skillet and a Chicago Style deep dish yummy goodness -

If you are going to do this add some corn meal to your dough. not a lot just some for texture. It makes it seem more real.

In this option i divide dough into two parts 75\25 - The 75 is for the bottom and the 25 is for a nice thin top

Roll out and place into your seasoned cast iron skillet with corn meal sprinkled in it for additional non-stick-ness. Sauce, cheese (lots of it) toppings, top crust, slice some breather holes, more sauce and more cheese and wow, yummy goodness. - Oh 375 or so for however long it takes to brown er up.

2. Regular ol' yummy pizza -

Roll it out, put it on your pie pan, make a nice thick edge and top to your hearts delight.

I am a meat guy so its my opinion that only sauce, meat and cheese should go on a pizza. Just my opinion sorry if I am always right.

I bake this magical food vessel at 450 until I cant stand it anymore and take it out and eat it.

Ill go into sauces and all that good stuff next time I make it but for now this is all I've got. Pictures to follow as soon as I get them onto the computer.

Till next time..

James

Broken Heart

     Happy New Year everyone!  I hope that 2014 is settling nicely upon you all.  My little family is feeling quite blessed as we are together for the winter :)  My prayer for you all is that you appreciate those you share your life with.  Living apart from my SO while he worked out of state this last year has brought on a new appreciation for him.  Even his simple presence in the house is a gift, and one not to be taken for granted.  Each year we lose loved ones, due to life circumstances, or those that pass on.  I thank the Lord fr each and every day I have with my family and friends.  I thank Him for carrying us safely through our day, and for keeping precious hearts beating through the night.
     The hearts in my house are very precious.  The hearts of my littles are also of special concern for me.  As many of you know our oldest DD was born with an ASD.  She had open heart surgery at the age of two to repair the hole.  I was pregnant at the time with our third child, our second DD.  Time would pass, and we would discover that our second daughter also had an ASD, but much smaller.  Our little angel grew her wings before it could be repaired.  She passed of SIDS just before turning six months old.  We prayed, we talked to the doctor.  We waited for the right time to have our fourth child.  All the planning in the world went out the window when our DS was born early and sent to the NICU. Months later, we discovered he too has an ASD.  During all of this, I always thanked God for my one child that was healthy.  Our oldest.            He is fit.  He is very healthy, and amazingly strong.  Our cardiologist wanted to check his heart out even though he was healthy.  At our appointment this week they had Bubba hop up on the table and did a quick look at his heart.  The image wasn't great, but there it was, a small hole in the wall between the two atrial chambers of his heart.  Thank you Lord for keeping watch over this boy while my focus was so intensely upon my other children!  It is a small hole, and one that will not cause any problems until he is older, but one that will need to be repaired at some point.
     As the mother of these four beauties, I felt a pain so deep inside of my being, I am sure the feeling will never leave me.  How could I give birth to FOUR broken hearted babies?  I am calling calling myself a broken baby maker, the cardiologist says it is in our genes somewhere, and it is very likely my grandchildren will suffer from the same condition.  We did get the go ahead for upcoming wrestling season, and I will watch with a new found anxiety I am sure.  I wish, no I pray, that I can have the courage to lean on God through this.  As far as heart conditions go, this is simple, easy to fix, and would not cause issues until later in life now that we have made it through the major risk of SIDS.
     Thinking about this week, really almost nine years of motherhood, makes me wonder, what else am I missing? What is distracting me from being a better mother?  I know I will never be perfect, but I strive to be better every day.
     Thanks for reading my rant of the day.  Prayers for you and your families for today, for this new year, and for blessings upon your lives.