Happy New Year everyone! I hope that 2014 is settling nicely upon you all. My little family is feeling quite blessed as we are together for the winter :) My prayer for you all is that you appreciate those you share your life with. Living apart from my SO while he worked out of state this last year has brought on a new appreciation for him. Even his simple presence in the house is a gift, and one not to be taken for granted. Each year we lose loved ones, due to life circumstances, or those that pass on. I thank the Lord fr each and every day I have with my family and friends. I thank Him for carrying us safely through our day, and for keeping precious hearts beating through the night.
The hearts in my house are very precious. The hearts of my littles are also of special concern for me. As many of you know our oldest DD was born with an ASD. She had open heart surgery at the age of two to repair the hole. I was pregnant at the time with our third child, our second DD. Time would pass, and we would discover that our second daughter also had an ASD, but much smaller. Our little angel grew her wings before it could be repaired. She passed of SIDS just before turning six months old. We prayed, we talked to the doctor. We waited for the right time to have our fourth child. All the planning in the world went out the window when our DS was born early and sent to the NICU. Months later, we discovered he too has an ASD. During all of this, I always thanked God for my one child that was healthy. Our oldest. He is fit. He is very healthy, and amazingly strong. Our cardiologist wanted to check his heart out even though he was healthy. At our appointment this week they had Bubba hop up on the table and did a quick look at his heart. The image wasn't great, but there it was, a small hole in the wall between the two atrial chambers of his heart. Thank you Lord for keeping watch over this boy while my focus was so intensely upon my other children! It is a small hole, and one that will not cause any problems until he is older, but one that will need to be repaired at some point.
As the mother of these four beauties, I felt a pain so deep inside of my being, I am sure the feeling will never leave me. How could I give birth to FOUR broken hearted babies? I am calling calling myself a broken baby maker, the cardiologist says it is in our genes somewhere, and it is very likely my grandchildren will suffer from the same condition. We did get the go ahead for upcoming wrestling season, and I will watch with a new found anxiety I am sure. I wish, no I pray, that I can have the courage to lean on God through this. As far as heart conditions go, this is simple, easy to fix, and would not cause issues until later in life now that we have made it through the major risk of SIDS.
Thinking about this week, really almost nine years of motherhood, makes me wonder, what else am I missing? What is distracting me from being a better mother? I know I will never be perfect, but I strive to be better every day.
Thanks for reading my rant of the day. Prayers for you and your families for today, for this new year, and for blessings upon your lives.
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