Why not me?
I grew up in a fairly normal house. We were a family of five, and I was the oldest of the three kids in the house. As the typical oldest I was labeled "the smart one". Not bad for a label, right? By itself, no. After me came my sister, the pretty one. My sister was, and still is, a gorgeous person. So pretty is a great term to use for her. The baby of the family was my brother. He was the big boy, tall, strong and athletic. Each of these were fitting, but it left me feeling like my grades were the only important part of me. I was short, wore glasses, and was pretty goofy looking. Mom told me at some point I had "Thelma thighs", and a "ghetto booty". At some point I quit looking in the mirror. I did not see much point in fashion, my hair, or anything else since my worth was found elsewhere.
Do you remember the videos in junior high that talk about the "body changes"??? Oh those were special fun for me. One video in particular was of a girl named Sara, she was small, and the last to mature in those special junior high ways. In the film she was called "slow Sara". Lucky for me. In junior high I was still small and nerdy, and conveniently my name rhymed with Sara. The first time I was bullied about my appearance was a group of boys that enjoyed calling me slow Sara. Until this point in life I did not care how I looked, knowing I would not be the pretty one, or the athletic one. After this point I hated how I looked. I still had my big ole thighs and butt, but being short and "boobless" made me a target for ridicule.
-Tara Niemi
As my social media world is expanding, many of you don't know me very well other than from what I post on social media. I want to share a bit with you all about my journey, I am a bit of a chatty Cathy, but I will try to keep as close to topic as I can. The best way to understand my journey is to take a quick visit to memory lane.
The image I had of my body stuck with me. By graduation I was a size 0/2. I still felt big in the wrong places, and too small in the others. Around this time I met the man that would eventually become my husband. I met James when I weighed around 100 pounds. As a young adult, I never paid attention to what I ate, what size I was, or how I looked in the mirror. My husband and I started dating a couple years after I graduated high school. I had gained over thirty pounds in those couple of years, but it did not bother me. I gave up my vegetarian, roller blading, and biking, and traded it all for the couples life. The girl that never thought she would get married and have babies quickly fell in love, and of course started making babies.
By the time I got married I was 190 pounds. Working full time and spending all of my free time with my love was it. We had so much fun, we went to movies, and baseball games, had people over to the house. Everything we did would involve lots and lots of amazing food. Who doesn't love some garlic fries at a Giants game? How can you go to the movies without popcorn and candy? Every get together involved pizza and chips (a balanced meal for sure). Still at this point I did not care about how I looked or how much I weighed. Up to this point in my life it had not mattered, why should it now?
Then came the baby making. In the years between 2005 and 2012 I had four children. My post bay weight with my first child was 217. I joined a gym after seeing pictures of myself during pregnancy and in the hospital with my precious new child. I lost a whopping nineteen pounds and plateaued. Stuck at 198, with no accountability partner or coach. Eventually I tried new things, I researched about diet, and tried to exercise more by walking with my baby. I lost another fifty pounds before we decided to have another child. Through the years and the babies, my weight has gone up and down fluctuating between 140 and 200 pounds. I did not do any fad diets, but none of the changes I made ever stuck for long.
I am normally a fairly quirky person, so I am just going to take a second to apologize right here. The point that my life turned around is not a pretty point.
In 2009 we welcomed our third child into the world. At this point we had one boy and two girls. Life was HARD, we were broke, and my husband worked out of town a lot, but life was AWESOME. That summer was so fun, we spent a lot of time with friends, visited North Dakota, and that winter made a trip to visit my family. In December of 2009, my younger daughter passed away in her sleep. I cannot explain to you in one note all of the things this did to, and for our family. The loss of our daughter was profound, and nothing about our lives was ever the same.
I remember turning to a friend one day shortly after and complaining that I was too fat. My friend looked at me and said it was ok, I had just had a baby. My response to her, as horrible as it is was that I did not have a baby to show for it, so I needed to quit being so big. It was not the first time I disliked what I saw in the mirror. It was the beginning of a big change for me though. When I looked in the mirror I saw a big sad woman. I did not want to be that woman.
That following year I dove into walking, jogging, and working out at home with a variety of nine dollar workout DVD's. I got smaller, but more importantly I felt happier. That was the beginning of me focusing on myself. Eventually my mindset changed. I quit caring (so much) about what other people thought of how I looked, or how big or small I was. I made a conscious effort to be healthier. When I was supremely stressed or sad, I exercised instead of ate. I felt better about who I was. I wanted to be a healthier mom, and I wanted to have another baby.
In 2012 my husband and I decided to have another baby. The baby was due in the beginning of 2013, and as per usual I was a miserable pregnant woman. You know those glowing giggling adorable mothers to be? I am not one of them! I am the most uncomfortable pregnant person ever, and it is truly amazing that I purposely had four children! I had horrible abdominal pain and migraines while I was pregnant with my youngest, which left me sleeping most of the days away. I ate a ton, because for some reason I thought if I ate just the right thing I would feel better. By November I was tipping the scale at 201. Our little product of love entered the world in a nightmarish fashion on Thanksgiving morning. I had an emergency C-section, and my baby spent a couple of weeks in the NICU. Having a preemie sent home with oxygen tanks and a heart monitor in the middle of winter kept me fairly house bound.
The following summer I had lost about 25 pounds. When you are toting around a six month old baby that is still the size of the average newborn, it really highlights how big you look in pictures. I went to Alaska that summer on a mission. I had found a Beach Body Coach online and had been following her for a while, doing mini challenges that she held. I desperately wanted her help. I wanted her help, but was not ready to commit to a workout, and was dead set on making my own shakes. Commercially made shakes were not healthy, and I could get the same nutrients from my homemade shakes…. I thought. That summer I lost seventeen pounds on my own. Walking all around this dinky town we stayed in, even carrying laundry (and my baby) to the Laundromat! I cleaned up my diet, and started reading more about nutrition.
A year and a half ago a friend of mine gave me a sample of shakeology. She had signed up as a Beach Body coach, and she knew I was working hard on my fitness. She was so cute. She told me how healthy Shakeology is, that it is soy free, gluten free, no artificial sweeteners, it could help me lose weight, and it even could help my hair and nails! I am pretty sure I said no the first couple of times. Eventually I tried one. I took the little envelop of powder that my friend gave me, and poured it into a bottle of water that was on my desk. I shook it up, and took my first drink of this wonderful life changing drink. And then I walked straight over to the sink and spat it out. It was horrible!!! Something I know now, is that you don't have to blend shakeology in the blender every day, but it really should be mixed with cold water!! So I was a no on the shakeology, I understood at this point that it was healthier than what I was making, but the money and taste really put me off. I agreed to try working out doing t-25.
A year and a half ago a friend of mine gave me a sample of shakeology. She had signed up as a Beach Body coach, and she knew I was working hard on my fitness. She was so cute. She told me how healthy Shakeology is, that it is soy free, gluten free, no artificial sweeteners, it could help me lose weight, and it even could help my hair and nails! I am pretty sure I said no the first couple of times. Eventually I tried one. I took the little envelop of powder that my friend gave me, and poured it into a bottle of water that was on my desk. I shook it up, and took my first drink of this wonderful life changing drink. And then I walked straight over to the sink and spat it out. It was horrible!!! Something I know now, is that you don't have to blend shakeology in the blender every day, but it really should be mixed with cold water!! So I was a no on the shakeology, I understood at this point that it was healthier than what I was making, but the money and taste really put me off. I agreed to try working out doing t-25.
Some of you will say I am still too big, some of you will say how great I look, and still others will say I am too small. I still have those thighs and some junk in the trunk. Guess what????? None of that matters!!!! Don't get me wrong, if we are friends or you are my family, I value your thoughts and feelings, but I am no longer letting what other people think of me define who I am. I have three wonderful children that love me no matter what, and just want a happy mom that can play tag with them at the park. I have an amazing husband that has loved me over a decade that spans over a hundred pounds, life, death, pretty days and ugly days. God did not create me to live my life based on what other people think. I have been given so many gifts from God… my husband, my children, and my body. I am choosing to treat my body as a treasured gift. As a result yes I have lost weight, but I have also become healthier and stronger, both mentally and physically.
I remember seeing a mom running with her jogging stroller. I don't know who she was, just somebody whizzing by me one day. I remember thinking how strong she looked, and I thought why not me?? I can be the strong and beautiful person that God created me to be, and you can too!
In the last year and a half I have still had ups and downs, but nothing drastic. I continue to eat healthier and workout to the best of my ability. I can lift heavier weights, I can jog, and I can hike to see the sunrise over Oahu. The key things that have really helped me are my nutrition, and a small team of special people. Adding Shakeology to my daily routine has given me a boost in protein, and so many vitamins and minerals that I am not going to list them all right now. Having a coach that has kept up with me through my struggles and celebrated my victories with me, and my accountability partners. These women help me when I start focusing on the wrong things, motivate me when I feel blah, and are tough enough to give it to me straight when I need it. These are the kinds of women that are in my challenge groups.
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