So it is way past due for an update on life! The man of our house has been out of state working still, but will be home for a few days next week!! The kids and I are super excited to see him. I knew this new job would be a tough adjustment for us all, but I didn't realize just how busy life would be with three kiddos all by myself!
The big kids are going to day camp this week for the first time ever. It was super cute to watch their different emotions play out. My daughter was so very excited, but did not understand the need for tennis shoes and jeans when she has so many dresses she could wear. My son got nervous and asked if he had to go if he didn't feel well. By the time I dropped them off I barely got a wave from one child, and the other ran off without any goodbye at all I love watching them grow up, but it always makes my heart twinge with a little weepiness too.
Our baby is thriving, growing so much, and has built up quite a bit of chub for one of my kids ha ha! We did find out last week that he has a hole in his heart, the same defect that both of our girls had. We were so sure that he was healthy, and I took the news pretty hard. Anxiety flooded over me quicker than I could handle.
As most times in life, the answers we need are found in the Bible. I am reading a number of different things right now to help me with my anxiety, and it is helping some. I am a bit of a control freak, and my toughest challenge has always been leaving things to God's control. Yes; I am fully aware that I have no real control over the universe, but I still strive to anyways. It is part of my flawed human nature. ;)
A couple of things I have learned in the past week. Even though my anxiety is justified; I don't have to give in to it. There is no point at all in giving in to the fears of what could happen when they haven't. Just the same as there is not point in celebrating a victory you have not achieved. I don't know yet how this will play out, and for now it is just news. We know the baby has a hole in his heart, and that it will almost definitely need surgery. We don't know if this is a blessing or a curse, it just is. I also read in the study part of my Bible about Anxiety. One word was used in the explanation that stuck out to me. Selfish. Yes, a lot of my worry as a mother is unselfish worry for my child. But how much is centered on me? How much of my worry will be simply wasted energy on self thought and not be productive at all? I need to divert my energy outward and upward. Energy spent this way is fruitful, and selfishly will ease my anxiety as well.
Wishing you all a blessed week; thank you all for the continued prayers for my family and I look forward to sharing some of my victories in the days, weeks and months to come!
Today's reading goal:
Psalms 2
1Peter 5
Matthew 4-7
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